Exhaustion

There are so many ways to feel tired.  Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually... being tired is never a great feeling.  When you're tired in all these departments, you're not tired anymore. You're exhausted.

Today, I woke up after two hours of sleep completely drained.  My body hurts, my head hurts.  My heart hurts.  I am without a doubt, exhausted.  I know a lot of people follow along with Anthony's story and while I always try to post positive, happy, and funny things, every once in a while, I'll pop a negative tidbit in there.  I mean, let's face it.  My kid has not just one, but three health conditions.  Life isn't always going to be roses.

About a month ago, Anthony started to have dizzy spells.  Some minor.  Some major enough he would fall and sometimes throw up.  We did some blood work, but his medication levels seemed to be where they were supposed to be.  The only thing out of the ordinary was a low white blood count. Now, before you panic, one of his medications can cause this.  It can also cause dizziness. Because his med levels were normal, his neurologist sent us to our family doctor (neuro is an hour and a half away in a different city) to get checked out.

One physical later, and Anthony was given a clean bill of health, minus the dizzy spells.  Our family doctor decided that the best way to rule out the carbamazapine was to lower the dose.  If he was suddenly showing two side effects of that medications he'd never experienced before, then maybe it was the culprit.  Of course, that meant that with a lower med level in his system, we'd have to watch for seizures.

I'm not going to lie.  I was hopeful.  I thought, well, if the medication is making him feel like this, then maybe he doesn't need to be on that high a dose.  Maybe the rest of the meds he was on were enough to keep the worst seizures away.

A week after we lowered the dose, the dizzy spells went away.  I thought, "Awesome!".

A week after that, and we started to notice small changes.  He had more trouble sleeping.  He was quick to get upset. 

It's been one more week since that second week and there's no denying it.  He's having more seizures.  Not the ones where he loses conciousness and stops breathing, but the ones he has right before he has those bad ones. He's not sleeping because of them which leaves him exhausted and moody, and just not in a good place.  He has to stop what he's doing multiple times a day because of them.  There's nothing like your teenage boy yelling "mom" in a panicked voice as he runs to the nearest bed so he can lay down in case he falls.

It's been an exhausting month.  And yes.  I know I'm using that word a lot.  I'm too exhausted to think of a different one.

Last night, we gave him his higher dose of medication.

This morning, I woke up crying.  Because I'm tired.  Because I've only gotten a couple hours of sleep per night the past month.  Because now, Anthony is going to feel gross while his system gets used to the higher level of medication. Because it's going to take at least a week for the higher levels to help bring down the number of seizures.  Because, after all of this, was it even the carbamazapine that caused the dizziness?  Did I just put my son through three weeks of mental and physical hell for nothing?  I don't know.  I have no fucking clue.

In two weeks, we have an appointment in Saskatoon with his neurologist.  Maybe the dizzy spells will be back by then.  Maybe they're gone forever.  Until then, we'll just try to rest and stay positive.

Anyway.  That's my Anthony update for now.  And don't worry.  I'm sure something cute or funny will happen soon and I'll be sure to let you all in on it.

Have a good week and stay safe. <3

#teasertuesday Displaced

Just a little something for you on this Teaser Tuesday. :D 

“Kendall, please. Sit down.”

He barely glanced at Jasper before resuming his pacing.  “What’s taking so long?”

“Kendall, I need you to sit down so I can heal your face.”  Hayden blew an exasperated breath out of her nose. 

“I’m fine.”

“You are not fine!”  She walked into his path and he was forced to stop.   Before he could move, she’d pulled a green healing wave from the air and pressed it onto his face. 

He hissed as the cut over his eye repaired itself.

“Here.”  Brice handed him a shot of jeckden and a mug of sloan.

Kendall shot back the first and gulped down the second.  The alcohol did nothing to ease the heavy feeling in his chest.  He sat heavily, his face in his hands.

“I need you to try, Hayden.  You’ve done it twice now.  You can do it again.”

“Kendall, I can’t!  The first time was an accident and this last time I knew who I was moving and to where.  I can’t send you to Thistendal on purpose.  I have no point of reference.  What if I send you in the complete opposite direction?”

“I can’t just sit here!”  He resumed his pacing. 

Everyone looked up as the door opened to reveal Marilynn.  Her eyes found Kendall.  “Is the bluebird telling the truth?”

He nodded.  “I need to get to Thistendal. I need to bring them home.”

The high sorceress ran her hands over her face.  “I don’t have the power to send you that far.  No one does.”

“Hayden does!”  The words echoed in the cabin.  He took a long deep breath to calm himself.  “I’m sorry, Hayden.  I….”  He swallowed hard. 

She hugged him close.  “It’s alright.  We’ll figure it out.  I promise.”

“What if you, Marilynn, and Rainen got together?”  Brice took a drink of his sloan.

Marilynn shook her head.  “While we’d likely have enough magic, we have no idea what Thistendal is like.  For us to displace that far, we’d need an exact point of reference to focus on.”

“There has to be away.”  Kendall looked from one sorceress to the other.

“The Gysps?”  Knowing how torn his friend was, Jasper tried not to laugh at Hayden’s glare.  She’d never forgiven the sea faring folk for calling her cursed.

“Maybe.”  Marilynn chewed on her lip thoughtfully.  “Though they won’t be back on our shores for at least another three months.”

Kendall poured himself another shot of jeckden and made it disappear.  “That’s too long.”

“Wait!”  Hayden’s grin gave him hope.  If anyone was going to be able to figure something out, it was going to be Hayden.  “I know how you’ll get there!”  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.  “Go home, clean up, and pack your bags. I have an idea but it will take me a day to see if it will work.”

He frowned, though her excitement was starting to rub off on him. “What are you thinking?”

She shook her head.  “Just come back tomorrow. I don’t want to get your hopes up in case it doesn’t work.”  She gave him another hug.  “Now, go.”

Sneak Peek Chapter : Displaced

As some of you have heard, I've been working on Displaced for the last little while.  When I released it a couple of yours ago, I shouldn't have.  For lack of a better word, it was terrible.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love the story and the characters, but they (and you) deserved better than the half-assed thrown together "novel" I put out there.  Thankfully, I was smart enough to hit the unpublish button almost as quickly as I pushed the publish one, and only a handful of people managed to read it.

So.  For those of you who love Quelondain and Hayden's Sageden pack, I want to thank all of you for keeping the faith you seem to have in me.

I'm hoping to have ARCs of the newly finished Displaced out at the end of August/beginning of September with a release at the end of September/beginning of October.  Until then, I'll be sure to post teasers and snippets to keep you entertained.

Here's a little something for you on this beautiful Sunday night. 

content warning: this contains adult situations

Neeka shut her bedroom door as quietly as she could.  She’d managed to avoid her sister most of the day and had made sure to tend the bar as long as possible to make sure Hanna would be sleeping when she came to bed.
Her sister knew, she was sure of it.  The instant she’d walked back into the inn with her vegetables, her sister had known.  How, she wasn’t sure.  She’d sent Kendall to get water for the lunch soup, something they usually did together, but she’d had to put some distance between them.
She’d thought that being with him would cure her of the need she felt when it he was around.  She’d been wrong.  So wrong.  Had it not been for the fact that the vegetables had to be back in time for lunch, she would have spent the entire day exploring his body and all the different ways she was sure he could make her explode.
She lay on her bed and pulled the covers up.  Closing her eyes, she listened to her sister’s breathing.  Sleeping.  Taking a quick look to make sure the blanket that spread between them was in place, Neeka let herself think of the morning’s events. 
Bloody hell.  What had she been thinking?  She was intended.  She hadn’t been completely sure he would take her, though she had been fairly confident he’d felt the attraction.
She had hoped that having him would satisfy her curiosity, her need to have him touch her.  If anything, it had combusted the urges and set her on fire.
It had been all she could do not to drag him back to the forest to have a second go at him.  Thankfully, he seemed to have been affected the same way.
There had been no hesitation, no question as he’d led up into the hay loft and bent her over a bale of hay.  The feel of him sliding in and out combined with her anticipation of how she knew he was able to make her feel had her cumming in a few short minutes.  He’d held her from behind, his lips dropping soft kisses on the back of her neck.
She’d giggled at his apology.  There was no need to be sorry.  She’d wanted it just as much as him.
If pretending she wasn’t interested in him prior to this had been hard, it was now nearly impossible.  She’d caught more than one of Christopher’s men eyeing them.
Maybe it was her overactive imagination, but she was sure everyone knew. 
Her thoughts wandered back to the hay loft and her fingers traveled down to the heat that was rising between her legs.
The breeze had blown into the barn and she was sure he’d caught her scent.  His nostrils had flared, his light blue eyes locking on hers.  No words had been spoken.  One moment they were staring at each other, the next, they were in the loft.  His fingers had made quick work of the laces on both of their pants.  He’d pushed into her with a sigh that had her moaning.  He was perfect.  It was almost as though they’d been doing this every day for years. 
She thought of how his thighs had felt on the backs of hers, how his hands had gripped her hips and pulled her back to penetrate her deeper still.
Her fingers pushed on her sweet spot and she clenched her teeth, desperate to stay quiet as she exploded in her memory and in her room.
She lay like a puddle of jelly in her bed, her breathing settling back to normal.  By the moons, what was happening to her? She’d lost her mind, to be sure.  She’d lost her bloody mind.

DICK (The Private Dick series Book 1)blog tour

Bourbon, beads, and blood.

KING
Phuck is the king of New Orleans. A demon who offers immortality for loyalty and respect. As president of the Voodoo Dawgs MC, he’s become as iconic to Nawlins’ citizens as the French Quarter. With Voodoo Mama and his brothers at his side, he’s untouchable, his power limitless. But when one of his demon brothers is discovered murdered, his life is about to be shaken up in ways he could’ve never anticipated.

SHERIFF
Enzo is a sheriff, a shifter with a badge, who’s lost his power and the respect of the citizens of New Orleans. Betrayed by those he trusted, he’s fallen into disgrace, unable to remain sober long enough to pull himself together. When one of Phuck’s men is found dead, Enzo calls in the big guns to help solve the murder.

DICK
Panther shifter Detective Natalia Cortes arrives to investigate a demonic killing in NOLA. It’s not just any homicide, but the murder of a demon who happens to be part of the Voodoo Dawgs MC. The self-appointed King of New Orleans doesn’t want her there, but she feels his heated gaze. The sheriff needs her help to solve the case, but the more time he spends with her, the more he wants to claim her as his mate.

Welcome to the Dark Days and Voodoo Nights of New Orleans!


When I found out that Gracen Miller was releasing a new book, I knew I had to get my hands on it.  She's become one of my favorite go to authors.  She never disappoints. 
Dick is a great story filled with action, romance, and fantastic sex scenes.  The characters a relatable and emotional.
Once I started reading, I couldn't put the book down.
Another five star story from an amazing author and her partner in crime. I'll definitely be looking into Julie Morgan and reading more of her stories.