#teasertuesday Displaced

Just a little something for you on this Teaser Tuesday. :D 

“Kendall, please. Sit down.”

He barely glanced at Jasper before resuming his pacing.  “What’s taking so long?”

“Kendall, I need you to sit down so I can heal your face.”  Hayden blew an exasperated breath out of her nose. 

“I’m fine.”

“You are not fine!”  She walked into his path and he was forced to stop.   Before he could move, she’d pulled a green healing wave from the air and pressed it onto his face. 

He hissed as the cut over his eye repaired itself.

“Here.”  Brice handed him a shot of jeckden and a mug of sloan.

Kendall shot back the first and gulped down the second.  The alcohol did nothing to ease the heavy feeling in his chest.  He sat heavily, his face in his hands.

“I need you to try, Hayden.  You’ve done it twice now.  You can do it again.”

“Kendall, I can’t!  The first time was an accident and this last time I knew who I was moving and to where.  I can’t send you to Thistendal on purpose.  I have no point of reference.  What if I send you in the complete opposite direction?”

“I can’t just sit here!”  He resumed his pacing. 

Everyone looked up as the door opened to reveal Marilynn.  Her eyes found Kendall.  “Is the bluebird telling the truth?”

He nodded.  “I need to get to Thistendal. I need to bring them home.”

The high sorceress ran her hands over her face.  “I don’t have the power to send you that far.  No one does.”

“Hayden does!”  The words echoed in the cabin.  He took a long deep breath to calm himself.  “I’m sorry, Hayden.  I….”  He swallowed hard. 

She hugged him close.  “It’s alright.  We’ll figure it out.  I promise.”

“What if you, Marilynn, and Rainen got together?”  Brice took a drink of his sloan.

Marilynn shook her head.  “While we’d likely have enough magic, we have no idea what Thistendal is like.  For us to displace that far, we’d need an exact point of reference to focus on.”

“There has to be away.”  Kendall looked from one sorceress to the other.

“The Gysps?”  Knowing how torn his friend was, Jasper tried not to laugh at Hayden’s glare.  She’d never forgiven the sea faring folk for calling her cursed.

“Maybe.”  Marilynn chewed on her lip thoughtfully.  “Though they won’t be back on our shores for at least another three months.”

Kendall poured himself another shot of jeckden and made it disappear.  “That’s too long.”

“Wait!”  Hayden’s grin gave him hope.  If anyone was going to be able to figure something out, it was going to be Hayden.  “I know how you’ll get there!”  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.  “Go home, clean up, and pack your bags. I have an idea but it will take me a day to see if it will work.”

He frowned, though her excitement was starting to rub off on him. “What are you thinking?”

She shook her head.  “Just come back tomorrow. I don’t want to get your hopes up in case it doesn’t work.”  She gave him another hug.  “Now, go.”

It's been a year, so here's a short story!

Well, it's been a year since I've posted anything and I thought, what the hell, let's give the people something to read.  lol   This October, I was going to enter a short story in a contest.  As life likes to do, it happened, and the story was never submitted.  It did, however, give me the idea for a longer story, but it's going to be a while before that one gets done.  So, here you are.  I had to keep the story to under 2500 words, and let me tell you, that was hard to do. 

Commander Cheryl

“Cheryl.  I’m just checking in to let you know I’m on my way back.  They’re thick out here today.”

All I hear is dead space in my headset. My throat tightens and the adrenaline surge threatens to choke me. It's flight or fight time.  The problem is that we're fighting an enemy that can kill us with a look.  And running? It's hard to outrun everyone you've ever known, almost each and every person you've met or will ever meet.

“Cheryl?  Come in!”

The thought of my cousin hurt, or worse, makes the bile in my stomach rise and I swallow it back down with a gag.

A faint crackle in my ears has my heart flipping in my chest.

“Mi… safe…. South… go…"

“What? You're breaking up. Repeat!”

Nothing.

I duck involuntarily as something to the north explodes. Was that us, or them? I glance around what’s left of the mall I’m standing in.  The roof has collapsed and rubble lays scattered throughout, some of it wet from rain and damaged water pipes, a lot of them red with blood. A quiet sob makes its way to me. The butterflies in my stomach start to crash into each other.

Is it a trap?

A small girl, her red dress muddied and torn, limps past my hiding place. I wince at the blood scabbed to the side of her face.  I’m just about to step out and ask if she's okay when she snaps her fingers.

I stop breathing. Fire Thrower.  Why the hell couldn’t I have got a cool power like that? But, no. I got speed which would be all fine and dandy if Fire Throwers, Lightning Makers, and pretty much every other power out there couldn’t be thrown at me almost as fast as I could run.

A small group of military looking guys sneak in through a hole in the Knickknacks store’s outer wall.

The Fire Thrower turns and unleashes fireball after fireball. One, maybe two of them, are Shields.  One soldier screams as a fireball punches into him, the heat of the flames burning through him.

“Mi…. Help…” Cheryl's voice is still cutting out. Help who? Her? The soldiers? Cheryl's power has a distance limit. Sending her thoughts through radio waves is pretty neat, but if she’s too far away or too tired, she's out of luck. I’m not sure what’s causing the disruption at this very moment, but I’m hoping it’s just distance.

I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders.  Cheryl or no Cheryl, it’s easy to see the soldiers aren’t government zombies and the kid is. She walks past me again, getting closer to the guys. Her attention diverted, I use what I’ve been given and run. It happens fast. So fast. I still feel every millisecond of it. The thickness of her bloody hair, the coolness of her forehead, the dry crust of the scab on her temple. The warmth of the knife in my hand, the slight hesitation of the blade as I pushed it through her neck… the heat of her blood spilling over my fingers. The smell of iron overtakes everything.

My stomach heaves and the little bit of oatmeal I had for breakfast comes rushing back up. Someone hands me a bottle of water. I spit out as many chunks as I can before pouring water over my head and into my mouth.

“Fucking zombies.” I’m trying to convince myself I’m still a good person, that it was us or her, but I’m having trouble talking myself into it.  I just killed a kid. I resist the urge to look back and instead look at the soldier who handed me the water.

“You okay?”  The only thing I can tell about him is that he's a man. These guys are covered from head to toe in gear designed to try and keep them alive. Obviously, it doesn't always work.

“Yeah. I’m good. Did Cheryl send you?”

He nods. “We were doing a sweep and she asked us to check on you.”

“Thanks.” It’s definitely a bonus that my cousin was the voice of the Asskickers. I can’t help the laughter as I think of the resistance’s name. It had been an inside joke between Cheryl and I. Somehow it had spread and stuck.

The soldiers all look at me, but I can't tell if it’s in amusement or worry. I manage to pull myself together.

“Where is she?” I inquire after clearing my throat.

“They’ve set up camp just south of the city.”

Water bottle guy extends his hand out to me and I let him help me up.

“Thanks for that.” His gratitude might have been followed by a smile, but it’s hard to tell behind the mask and goggles. “I’m not sure how much more my shield would have taken.”

“Mi…” Cheryl interrupted us.

“I’m okay, Cheryl.”

“Package acquired, ma’am.  On our way back.” The other shield in the group gestures with his head and we follow behind him.

I chuckle and Water Bottle gives a quick glance in my direction.

“She hates being called ma’am.”

He nods to show he's heard.

It’s been a long five days of scouting and I don’t argue when Shield One announces we'll be stopping for the break.  I move ahead and come back before Mouse (the quiet one who has yet to talk) notices. He jumps as I reappear beside him.

“There's a gas station one block ahead,” I whisper to them.

Water Bottle nods when Shield One looks at him. Mouse does the same. Hard gloved fingers dig into my arm as I start to walk past One.

“No more lone runner shit,“ he growls.

I yank free of his hold. “Lone runner shit is my job.”

“And my job is to get you back to Commander Cheryl. “

I scoff, ready to get into it with Captain Better than Thou, but Water Bottle steps between us. Inhaling deeply, I count to ten.  Without a word, I dart back to gas station.

When the guys show up, I’m laying on my blankets and eating a disgusting protein bar. I don’t have to see One's face to know he's pissed. His head turns towards me and this time, Water Bottle has to physically push him back.  

I toss One a protein bar and it hits his shoulder before falling to the ground, ignored. He shoves Water Bottle away before stalking off to the back of the store.

“Is he always wound so tight?” I inquire when the second shield sits beside me.

“We lost four guys this time out.”

He doesn’t need to say anything else. Watching someone you’ve gotten to know get killed was something you didn’t get over. It was why I did my scouting alone. I’d already lost too many friends.

“So, what did you do before all this, Water Bottle?”

“Water Bottle?”

“Yeah. You're Water Bottle, that's Shield One, and that guy is Mouse.”

“Why Mouse?”

“He’s quiet. You know… quiet as a mouse?”

Water Bottle chuckles, pulling off his head gear so he can eat the bar I hand him.

“My name's Rhett and I used to be a roofer.” He wipes the sweat from his brow.

I dig deep into my pack to find a few of the bite sized chocolate bars I keep for special occasions.  I hand one to him. “Nice to meet you, Rhett.  I’m Mi.”

Turning to the back of the store, I toss a chocolate over the counter. “Incoming, Shield One!”

There's a short pause then the sound of a wrapper crinkling.  “Ross.”

Glad he's taken my peace offering, I turn to Mouse.  

“What the…” Before anyone can react, I have my hands around the third man's neck. Using my momentum, I manage to get him up against the wall. Somewhere in the back of my mind I tell myself I’m about to die. I have no idea what his power is.

“Mi!” Rhett manages to pull me off, but I slip out of his hold and smash Mouse's head into the wall once again.

“You! You did this!” I can barely choke the words out past the sobs the anger and shock are causing.

It takes both Rhett and Ross to get me off. Ross shoves me toward Rhett who gets me in a bear hug I can't get out of. I try to use my knee to kick Rhett in the groin, but I don't have enough room to do any damage.

“It's alright. Let her go.”

Even the sound of his voice is enough to reactivate the fury that had been waning.  

“I'm going to let you go, but don’t do anything stupid.” Rhett slowly releases his hold and I wait until I have enough room to turn before charging again. I hit an invisible force and hear him sigh behind me before he reaches down to help me up. “I'm not letting it down until you get a hold of yourself.”

The urge to kill is still prevalent, but one collision with an invisible force is enough to let me know I don’t want to do it again.

I turn to Mouse and jerk away when Rhett puts a hand on my shoulder. All I can see is the traitor before me. The man who thought he could play god. The piece of shit who poisoned the drinking water with the virus that triggered everyone's powers. He was the reason my family was dead. He was the reason some of us were walking around like zombies with only the urge to kill on their minds. We’d been the testing subjects for what was supposed to be the new and improved soldier.  What the government hadn’t counted on was the fact that the people who turned zombielike couldn’t be controlled and those of us who still had our wits about us weren’t going to be used in their sick game.

“You’re supposed to be at the bottom of a lake!”

“It was decided that letting me live was a far worse punishment.”

In a moment of pure childishness, my brain changed his name from Mouse to Shitface.

“I’m doing what I can to right what I did wrong.”

“How?”

“By helping those that need it.”

I look at Ross before glancing back to Rhett. Both of them nod.

“I’m hoping that soon, this will all feel like a bad dream.”

I scoff and turn to Rhett. “Let me out. I am not staying here.”

“You can’t just head out there on your own.  It’s going to be dark within the hour.”

I walk past him, my arms out in front of me.  My fingers touch the shield.  “I need some air.” It’s just a whisper, but he takes my arm and escorts me outside.

“What’s that?”

I look up and try to find what he’s pointing to in the sky.  “Wait. Is that a plane?” The city has been a no-fly zone for months.  I press the talk button on my coms.  “Cheryl. Come in.”

“Hey! Are you guys almost back?”

“Not Quite.  Do me a favor and look up and to the west.”

There’s a short pause as she does what I ask.  “Is that a plane?”  More silence as she talks to those physically around her.

Rhett and I are joined by Ross as everyone’s coms receive some muffled voices under a wave of static.

Cheryl’s cutting in on the plane’s transmission and letting everyone hear what she’s hearing.  It’s one of the things the Asskickers love about her.  There are no secrets.

“… Doctor Banks wasn’t lying, Senator. It’s a warzone down there.”

“Understood. Come back to base.  Operation Earthworm starts at oh six hundred.  We need…”  Whatever else was going to be said is lost as Cheryl cuts off the signal.

I sprint back into the gas station, thankful Rhett had dropped his shield.  “I don’t think so!”  I throw myself at Banks and he drops to the ground.  “You lying piece of shit! You’ve been here spying on us!”

“Mi, I know you’re losing it right now, but we need him alive.” Somehow, my cousin’s voice penetrates through the red haze I’m in. 

A hand touches my shoulder and I turn, still swinging.  Instead of hitting flesh or even a solid shield, my arm seems to get sucked into extra thick jelly. 

“It’s just me.” Rhett’s eyes meet mine and he lets his shield down completely to release my limb.

All of us fall to our knees as Cheryl’s voice explodes in our heads.  “EVERYONE BACK TO BASE!”  Her apology is softer, but we all understand.  That message was meant to carry to every one of us still out in the city.

“Where are they picking you up?”  Ross yanks Banks’ head back by the hair. The doctor’s face is a bloody mess and I don’t feel any regret.

“I have to go.  Please.  Please let me go.” 

Rhett winds up and kicks him in the gut.  I’m about to do the same when a distant explosion makes me pause.

Banks starts to sob.  “It’s… it’s too late…”

Ross lets go of him and we watch as the grown man curls into a ball and gives up.

“Cheryl?”

“Yeah.”

“It doesn’t sound like we have until morning.” 

“Can you make it back?”

I shake my head then remember she can’t see me.  “No.”

Three more explosions go off, each one closer than the last.  I climb up onto the roof of the store.  Rhett and Ross settle beside me on the edge.

“Looks like they had a plan in case their shit show didn’t go well.  Cheryl, they’re blowing it up from under ground. “

A few scattered people climb up to see how they’re going to die.  Strangely, the only one who seems to be panicking is Doctor Banks.  Or, maybe not strangely.  Somewhere in the back of our minds, we all knew this day was a possibility.

In the news tomorrow, people will have their coffee and toast and talk to each other how horrible that something like this could happen. And I have no idea what they’ll blame it on… a terrorist attack? A sink hole? One hell of a gas leak explosion?  Who knows.   Well, maybe Banks knows.

“Hey, cuz?”

“Yeah.  I’m still here.”

“I’m glad we both made it until now.”

“Me too.  Mi?”

“Yeah.”

“Love you.”

I can hear her voice tighten and I have to clear my throat before I tell her I feel the same.

The underground charges are going off in precise lines and the city is dropping in an eerily beautiful wave.

One of the blasts shakes the gas station and I close my eyes.  The next set will be ours.  Ross and Rhett put their arms around me.  The rumble starts far to our left and I take one last deep breath. I think of Bank beneath us soaked in blood and tears and I smile.

“Goodbye, Cheryl.”

Weird Dreams: episode four

Today's weird dream is brought to you by a granola bar eaten at three in the morning...

I'm at a restaurant with my family. Me, Kyle, the kids, some of our cousins and their kids.  Everyone is eating and talking. I smile.  I love being with my family.  In a dark corner, I notice a man staring at us.  I can't tell what he looks like because he's got a bunny hug on and a baseball hat.  Everything he's wearing is black.  He takes a sip of coffee and his eyes meet mine.  Somehow, I know I'm supposed to go to him.  

I get up, telling Kyle the man is here and I'll be right back.  He tells me to be careful.  No one can see what's happening.  I can tell he's watching me as I get up and head to the bathroom.  A few minutes later, I hear the door open and someone walks in.  

"I'm in here."

The man's footsteps enter the stall next to mine.  "You're sure your family is ready for this?"

I nod even though he can't see me.  "We are."

He hands me a small package from under the divider.  "You have five hours."

I hear him leave and take my time exiting the bathroom with the cell phone sized package tucked in my back pocket.

Kyle exhales the breath he's been holding as I sit back down beside him.  Everyone is looking at me.

"We have five hours."  I pull the package out, taking the elastic off that's holding instructions against it. 

Welcome
The rules are simple.
1. take the packages to HIM by any means necessary
2. at least two of your team members must be at the final point

The restaurant doors burst open and a group of military guys come running up to us.

"They're coming! We have to go now! Brumby and Stinker will take the kids to a secure location!"  

Everyone gives the kids a quick hug.  

Emery kisses me on the cheek.  "You can do this, mom."

I take a deep breath and watch as the kids grin and run to the tank they get to ride in.  "Let's do it."

We run and get on our bicycles, pedaling down a back alley as fast as we can.  I feel the package slipping out of my pocket and decided to hang it around my neck by the chord it's attached to.  We make it to a tall skyscraper made completely of  windows.

Cheryl, Courtney, and Dwayne Johnson watch as Kyle and I run into the building.

"We'll meet you in the field!" yells Cheryl before pedaling away, the three of them accompanied by three guards.

"Where is it?"  Kyle stops me from getting on the elevator.

"Tenth floor."  

"They'll expect the elevator."

"Yeah."  I head to the stairway and we start to head up.

"Here! We can travel through the vents.  Bucky, give us a boost."

Kyle follows me in and passes me the gun Bucky has given him before pulling the other man up to join us.

The trip through the vents is exhausting and long.  Maybe this was a bad idea.  Maybe we won't have enough time.  In my mind, I've been counting the turns and floors.

"Here.  This is where we need to get out."

We drop into an office and quickly hide behind a large desk.  

A man with green scales for skin pauses and peeks in.

"They beat us here."  Bucky makes sure his safety is off and I do the same.  

Kyle attaches the silencer to his weapon.  "You know what sucks? They blend in.  We don't."

"I have to get to the back office."  I point in the direction I need to go.  The lights go out and I slip on my night vision goggles.  "Thanks god for Sparky."

Kyle grins.  "Let's go."

We manage to slip past a couple of office workers without being detected.  Bucky swings open the back office door .  His gun goes off twice and two bodies drop to the ground.  I kick open a closet door and shoot the manager who was hiding in it.

"It's in here."  I grab the box with the symbol on it that matches the package around my neck.

"Everybody freeze!"  

I see Bucky swing his gun around to take down the threat, but not quickly enough.  The building guard's gun goes off and Bucky falls to the ground.  Kyle grabs a chair and smashes the window open.

"Go, Mi!"  He shoots one guard and drops as he gets hit in the leg.  With a grunt, he throws himself at the men in the doorway.

"Kyle!"

"Go! Finish this!"  He takes another round in the chest and the last thing I see as I launch myself out of the tenth story window is his body falling to the ground.

I pull my parachute chord, knowing it's not going to do much to slow me down at this height.

"Hang on!"  Sparky groans as he attempts to catch me and I smash him into the asphalt.  "Bucky and Kyle?"

I shake my head and swallow hard.  "Gone."

"Come on."  He squeezes my arm.  "We have to keep going."  He stuffs the box in the big pocket on his pant leg and we take off running.

"We have to get to the field."  I duck into a back alley to get out of view.  Sparky peeks around the corner to make sure we aren't being followed.

"Let's go."  He leads to way until we're laying behind some bushes at the edge of the field.

"Shit."  Cheryl, Courtney, and Dwayne are tied to posts, surrounded by twenty plus enemy soldiers.  All I can think about is shooting each and everyone of them in their scaly green faces.

"Where do we find the package?"

I look through my scope.  "There.  They have it sitting by our team."

"Bastards.  Do they really think we're just going to stroll in there?"

We glance at each other and grin.  Making sure all of our weapons are loaded and ready, we stand and start shooting.

Chaos ensues as the enemy scrambles to recoup from our surprise.  Cheryl manages to get loose and tackles a panicked guard, stealing his weapon and shooting him before joining in the massacre.  Sparky reaches the package and stuffs it into his other leg pocket.  He quickly cuts down Courtney and Dwayne and gives them weapons.  

"Come on!"  I lead the way into the woods, glancing at my watch.  "We have an hour!"

I try not to feel excited.  We have all three packages.  Now, we just have to get it to HIM. 

Cheryl takes a shot to side and falls.  Dwayne covers her and takes three to the back.  He pushes his weapon toward Courtney.  "Go."

Courtney, Sparky, and I dash through the woods breaking out into the open of a parking lot.  We can hear the others behind us.  A quick scan confirms we aren't going to be ambushed and we go crashing through the front doors.

HE is waiting for us, his white suit pristine as HE sits behind a table.  HE stands.  

Sparky and I stumble forward, out of breath, holding out the packages for HIM. HE takes them, opens them, and scrutinizes them.  HIS eyes meet mine and he grins.

"Congratulations.  You've done it."

Gordon Ramsay takes the secret ingredients for the best hot chocolate on earth and heads off into the kitchen to make us some.

The kids come running up to us, excited to taste the treat.

We all turn as the lizard men some strolling into restaurant.  

Sheldon and the others pull off their lizard masks.  "Man, these things are bloody hot."

Everyone laughs and I hand him a glass of water.  Kyle gives me a hug, still wiping the paint from the paint balls off of his sleeve.

"I can't believe you jumped out of that building!"  Bucky grins with a shake of his head.

I burst out laughing, remembering it.  "Me neither!"

"That was kickass!"

We all sit as Gordon comes back with the hot chocolate and the only sound is thirsty slurps.  

"What are you going to make next time?"

He shrugs.  "It's a surprise."

"Can you make a cake?" asks Ashtynn.

Gordon shrugs.  "Is that what all of  you want?"

All the kids nod enthusiastically.  

Sparky stretches his arms over his head.  "I'm sorta glad it's the kids' turn next weekend.  I'm wrecked."

The adults all agree and the teams are picked for the following weekend fun of paintaball mob boss chef adventures.

Me: It's Been a While Since my Last Massive Panic Attack... Life: Hold my Beer.

Now, had this been five months ago, I'd have drank that beer and gone to buy another case. But it's not five months ago and I've been sober that long.  (Yay!) I'd be lying if I said it was easy to get here.  Truth be told, the first little while was pure hell.  I was crabby, cranky, rude... well, you get the point.  And while staying sober would be hell on the best of circumstances, I picked summer to do it. 

Yeah.  You know.  Bonfire, sit in the sun, have a beer camping season. Oh.  And then I traveled to Ontario and Quebec to visit all of my family and attend my brother's wedding. 

I spent the first three months avoiding social events and if I found myself at one, I sat away from everyone, usually in a different room. (fun times)

The first three months, I also had zero control over my anxiety.  Though my meds had managed to keep things in check while I was drinking, they did nothing while I detoxed and fought the cravings.

BUT! I pushed through that three month mark and things got easier. I got the anxiety under control and I started becoming the wife/mom/person I had been before I let the alcohol poison my life.  I never could have made it without my support system. (my husband, my family and friends, and my kids)  They're phenomenal.

So, most of you know the story with my oldest son, Anthony.  He got handed a shitty hand when he was born with cerebral palsy with autistic tendencies and epilepsy.  You've seen my twitter, instagram, and facebook posts of seizures, horrible nights, and behavior issues.

As I write this, I'm laying in bed with him and we're watching Rescue Bots. 

But life with Anthony has been life for the past 13, almost 14 years.  Holy shit, he's almost 14 years old!  Anyway, even though we have our stressful moments, it's our normal and we're used to it. (though, he does like to throw us a curve ball every once in a while. lol)

A little while ago, I made the mistake of thinking to myself that things were going great and I forgot to knock on wood.  ALWAYS remember to knock on wood.  Because if there's one thing life knows, it's that if it wants to mess with me, the best way to do it is through my kids.

Since then, I've had to watch my princess go for bloodwork and a renal and bladder ultrasound to see if they could find what is causing her to have multilple infections a year.  She was a trooper and thought it was cool she could see her insides on the tv and thankfully, no abnormalities were found. She's now going to be seeing a pediatrician, though that's not until January. I'm not sure what the next step he'll suggest will be, but like I said, January, so I'm trying to not think about it too much. (yeah right)

Two weeks ago, Emery came home from school, crying because his back hurt.  It turns out he was playing on a play structure at school and fell from five feet up onto his back.  We rubbed him down, let him soak in the tub, and when that seemed to help, we chalked it up to sore muscles from the fall.

A week later, ( a day after Ashtynn's ultrasound) he was still in pain and a trip to the doctor was made.  There, we were told there was a possibility he might have a fracture on one of his vertebrae and he was sent for xrays. 

A few days later, I saw my doctor's number on my phone.  Now, some people might think, oh well, but our doctor only phones us if something comes up in the tests that were taken.  Go for bloodwork, no phone call, you're fine.  Xrays, no phone call, all is good.

So, I took a deep breath and answered the phone, all the while wondering if I was getting news about Ashtynn or Emery. 

It was Emery.

It turns out he doesn't have a fracture on any of his vertebrae.  What he does have is Spina Bifida Occulta.  To my doctor's credit, he assumed I'd heard of Spina Bifida and rushed on to say that it is also called closed Spina Bifida and that it is the mildest form of the condition.  After easing my worry (I'm not going to lie, as soon as he said the name I imaged Emery's spinal chord ripping through his back... even though I knew it was something he'd obviously been born with and has lived with for eleven years with no issues whatsoever) he told me to bring Emery in and he'd explain more of what would happen next.

This morning, we went to the office. Some of Emery's vertebrae did not form properly while he was developing, therefore, he has a space which exposes his spinal chord. Though Emery hasn't had any symptoms (other than his back getting sore much more often then his siblings), there is a possibility that as he grows he could start having problems such as leg pain/ numbness, as well as other things.  He is now being referred to a pediatric specialist in Saskatoon where they will do more scans and decide what our game plan is.  Thankfully, because he doesn't have any symptoms, the chance of surgery is very small (pretty much non-existent) at this time. 

Now, I thought I was handling things well enough.  I did have an hour or so after the appointment where I felt a bit overwhelmed, but that passed and well, life.

It's funny how one tiny thing can set off a panic attack.  All it took for me was to look at my calendar and see I had to take Anthony to his Neurologist on Wednesday. 

Done.

I managed to get to my room and hide under the covers before my breathing went to shit and my chest contracted to the point I was sure I was having a heart attack.  I'm not sure how long it went on (it always feels like hours), but I finally remembered to do all my "it's a panic attack, it will pass" exercises.  I'm actually pretty happy with myself, I didn't even take an ativan (evil, tiny pills, they always put me to sleep). 

And even happier with the fact that I didn't even think about having a drink.

So, that's pretty much it.  I've had my meltdown and now it's back to business as usual because, well... this blog wouldn't be called Life and my Retreating Sanity if life was all rainbows and unicorns. :)

Adventures with Gueguette: chapter one

If there is one thing that is guaranteed when it comes to Alzheimer's it's that life is never boring.  Even if you've never had a loved one afflicted by it, or know someone who has a loved one affected, you've probably heard random stories of somebody who's had to deal with dementia. Most of them are sad, frustrating, and as time goes on, devastating.

Although Alzheimer's is a terrible thing, when you talk to people who have dealt or are currently dealing with someone afflicted by it, there is usually one thing they have in common and that is humor.

In my new mini series 'Adventures with Gueguette', I'll be posting about the good times, the funny times.  Those are the times we need to hang to.  These are the times we need to remember.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It started off as any normal Monday of the summer holidays.  The kids woke up, we had breakfast, and we amused ourselves doing summer things in the sun.  Mondays are also the day I usually pick up my grandma from the day center.  Mom drops her off in the morning then her and dad go off to do things.  It's their day off together.  I pick Gueguette up at three so that the two of them can stay out as long as they want/need to.  

I sent my mom a text at about eleven.

How was Gueguette this morning?

She was a bit confused. 

Okay.  I'll go stay with her at your house after I pick her up.

By one, I knew this wasn't going to be happening.  Though a confused Gueguette always does best sitting in her chair at home, my son with cerebral palsy, autism and epilepsy also has days where he does better in his house, in his room, away from everything.  Today is one of those days.  On days like this, I go with the lesser of two evils which is a very confused senior over an autistic meltdown by a teenager.

When I get to the day center, the group is in the main room singing songs.  I get into Gueguette's line of view and make eye contact.  Nothing. My grandma doesn't recognize me.  No big deal.  It's not the first time, it won't be the last, and to get upset solves nothing.  I leave the room, wait until they're done signing, then go back in.

She sees me, smiles, and waves me over so I can help her stand up.

"Did you like that song, Mireille?" (Our conversations are all in French, English is starting to confuse her) 

"I did! It was beautiful."  I take her arm and start walking toward the room that has her back of things.  "Did you have a good day?"

She frowns, trying to think of what she might have done in the past few hours.  "I don't know."

I smile and hug her.  "I'm sure you did.  We can read what the girls wrote in your book to see what you did later."

Satisfied with that, we gather her things and head to the jeep.  "Here, have a Halls.  They're good."

I take one put it in my pocket with the other three she's given me since I got there.

"Where's Danielle?" she inquires.

"She's gone fishing with dad."

"Oh, right.  Good for her."  She stops walking at a red van.  (I used to have a red van).

"My jeep's over here, Gueguette."

"Oh, right." 

I open the passenger door for her, remind her where the holy shit handle is so she can use it to help pull herself in, and a lot of laughing and pushing and pulling later, I do up her seatbelt.

"Oh, Mi.  You must be so tired of me."

I laugh.  "Of course not.  We always laugh when we're together, right?"

She nods, happy.  "When does your mom's plane land?"

It takes me a second to respond and she keeps talking.

"I don't know what I'm going to do when I get back."

I decide to let her keep going to get a better understanding of what she thinks reality is right now.

"I'm glad I came to visit though.  When do I go back to Ottawa again?"

Ding, ding, ding.  She thinks she still lives in Ottawa and that my mom lives there and that they're here to visit me.

"You're here for a while, Gueguette."

"Yeah?"

I nod.  "Yep.  You're stuck here with me."

She laughs.

We're quiet for a few minutes.

"Where's Danielle?"

"She's gone fishing with dad."

"Oh, right.  Good for her.  Here, have a Halls.  They're really good."

I add it to the I'm not sure how many other Halls in the change drawer in the jeep.  

She looks at the bridge as we go by it.  "We're not in Ottawa."

"No."

"How long am I here for?"

"For a while."

We pull up to the house and she moves to the back of the jeep.  "Mi, you need to open the back."

I smile.  "How come?"

"My luggage is in there."

I laugh and catch myself.  "It's okay, I'll bring it in later.  Come in the house.  You must be tired from your trip."

She nods and follows me in.  Exhausted from her flight, she sits on the couch and pets the dogs.  Pet therapy is no joke.  The instant she starts to pet them, you can see her relax.  The dogs decide they need to pee and go outside.  She frowns.

"I can't believe they lost my luggage! (throw in a few choice French words they don't teach you in French class)"

"It's okay, Gueguette.  I'll deal with it.  Emery, can you bring Gueguette a can of ice tea, please?"

My middle boy nods and smiles.  They know what's happening and all my kids are amazing with her when she gets like this.  I take my phone into my bedroom and make sure I speak loud enough so she can hear me.

"This is absoloutely unacceptable!  How is a person supposed to enjoy their holiday when they don't have any of the things they brought along!"  Pause.  "Well, look again!"  Pause.  "See?  That wasn't so hard, now was it!"  Pause.  "Thank you.  We'll be waiting for it tomorrow."

Gueguette looks up from coloring with Ashtynn.  "Did you get it sorted?"

I nod.  "Yep.  They found it and they're putting it on the bus first thing in the morning."

She smiles.  "You're so good to me, Mireille."

"Of course."  I give her a kiss.  "It's cause I love you."

More coloring happens, we eat supper.  It is established about 50 more times that mom is fishing with dad.  Sometimes, Gueguette thinks she visiting.  Other times, she knows she's a permanent resident of Saskatchewan.  It's half and half whether or not my parents live here or in Ontario.  The pile number of Halls in our little Halls bowl grows.

Mom and dad get back from fishing. Gueguette looks up, confused.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm picking you up, mom.  We're going home."

"To Ottawa?"

"No.  To our house here.  The blue house."

You can tell by the look in her eyes she's trying to process this information.  I help her stand up.

"It's okay, Gueguette.  Go with mom."

She mumbles all the way to the truck.

I wait a half hour and text mom.

How is she?

Good.  She got in the house, sat in her chair, and now she's doing her words.

Okay.  Talk to you tomorrow.  Love you.

Love you, too.  Thanks again.

No problem.  Hey, don't forget to go pick up her luggage tomorrow at the bus stop that doesn't exist anymore.

LOL! Will do.

A couple older stories about my crazy kids

Yesterday my sister and I were talking about our blogs.  She mentioned how she loved the name of mine and so I told her how I'd come up with it.  Years ago, I'd been working on a book about my kids.  In it were a ton of short stories about them and the crazy things they used to do do. The title was 'My Kids and my Retreating Sanity'.  But, I said, I haven't written many more short stories because my kids are older now and they don't do quite as many crazy things as they used to.  

She laughed at me.  "Mi, your kids definitely DO do crazy things still.  You're just desensitized to it all!"

Hahahaha!  Yeah.  So anyway, here are a couple of those stories I had written long ago. :D  

Silence is never a good thing...

“I swear, I locked the door.”  That’s the answer I got from Kyle while I sat at home and he got his trailers loaded in Regina.  He’d just finished asking me if I’d be up when he got home and I answered his question by saying, “Sure.  I’ll still be up wiping up all of the caulking the kids got into because someone forgot to lock up the furnace room when he was done in there.”

Hmmm.  Now that the kids are in bed and the caulking is all cleaned up, I thought I’d take a minute to tell you about it.  Maybe I should start at the beginning.

This morning I went to Saskatoon and dropped Kyle off at the NRT shop so he could go to work.  My mom was a dear and watched Ashtynn for me and picked Emery up at noon so I didn’t have to worry about things.  The ride down was nice, the ride back was quiet, and I had fun visiting with mom when I got back.  Anthony got home from school and we all had a snack while we watched the second Harry Potter movie; we’re having a Harry Potter marathon right now because the box set containing years 1-6 got here today and well, when you have that many movies in a series, the thing to do is watch from beginning to end. :)

So, my day was going splendidly when the kids decided they were tired of watching Harry and went downstairs to play in their room.

Kyle text me.  How’s your day going?

Good.

How are the kids.

Excellent.  They’re being so good today.

Right on.  I’ll be home tonight about midnight.

At this point, I realize… it’s pretty quiet down there.  I tip toe down the stairs and find all three of them with pieces of jip rock, markers, a little saw, a hammer, some unused light switches and two tubes of caulking.

Emery looks at me, proud as can be.  “Look, mommy, we’re fixing!”

Ashtynn grins.  “Fixing!”

Anthony looks up midswing with the hammer.  “Fix!”

“I’m sure you are, but this is daddy’s stuff and you’re not allowed to play with it.”  I pick up the caulking, grab the hammer and little saw, and put everything back into the furnace room and lock the door.  We head back upstairs to have a snack and watch some more Harry Potter.  I look at my phone.

Do you think you’ll be up when I get home?

… Well, you know the rest of the story.  Hahaha!

Owy is never a good word

“Owy, owy, owy, ooooowwwwww!”

This is never a good sound when you’re making supper and the scream is coming from another room.  If you’re me and it’s coming from your children, you calmly tell yourself that supper is now postponed and a trip to the hospital is in order.

I’m serious.  My kids are tough… like, superhero tough.  Like, all three are running full speed in the house and manage to run into a wall, get up and do it again kind of tough.  The two year old can be lying of the ground and the seven year old will jump on her and she’ll look at him and scream… not in pain… in anger… because he made her drop her pony.  That kind of tough.  Or the five year old will jump off of his bed, trip, and smash his face into the floor, then show his siblings how to do it just like he did.

When one of my kids is screaming owy at the top of his lungs, I know it’s not going to be a good sight.  Owy means skin is missing, blood is flowing, or body parts are no longer bent in the proper direction. (thankfully, the latter has only happened once and it was a toe.  Toes are a minor body part, so I’m not even sure if it bears mentioning).

So tonight when I heard that dreadful word, I took a deep breath, and headed into my bedroom which was where the horrible sound was coming from.  This usually means a wrestling match gone wrong. My kids have a great time trying to kill each other.  It happens every day and I’ve given up on trying to stop them.  I’d never clean, I’d never eat, hell, I’d never be able to have a shit if I was trying to keep it from happening.  Survival of the fittest is the law in my house and so far, the three of them seem pretty well matched.

I heard my daughter jump off the bed and scramble to her bedroom.  I heard another thump as one of the boys jumped to the ground.  This left the five year old screaming at the top of his lungs, so I knew who was the object of today’s assassination attempt.

My first instinct when I walked into the room was to start yelling.  I opened my mouth, took a deep breath, and stopped.  I was speechless.  And then I started to laugh, because, well, it was funny as hell (though apparently not to Emery who had his head wedged between the mattress and the box-spring of my bed).  That’s right.  Today’s attempted murder was by means of head squishing.  Somehow, this was fun (I never did get a straight answer as to how or why Emery thought it was a good idea to let his siblings put his head between the mattresses) .  Stick brother’s head in mattresses and jump.  Sure, I can see the logic in that.

After freeing my son and making sure that his skull was still intact, we had a small group discussion as to why it is a bad idea to squish your brother’s head between two objects of any kind.  The three of them ran downstairs (to plan their next assassination, I’m sure), and I went back to making supper, shaking my head while thinking to myself that today was a good day. No bent body parts, no missing skin, hell, not even a single drop of blood to wipe off the floor.

So, let me rephrase that.  Today was not good.  It was fantastic. :)

Hahahaha!  Stay safe, everyone!

The Day I Thought I'd Have to do this Alone

I'm going to start this blog off with a post I wrote a few years ago.  As a trucker's wife, one of the worries you have is that phone call that lets you know there's been an accident. I love my husband. We are partners. We keep each other grounded.  The thought of living my life without him sends me into panic attacks.  I love that man.

The day I wrote about here, it was the most horrifying, most heartbreaking day of my life.  Others who have almost lost their love will relate.

As of the day I publish this first post, I've been married to my husband for fourteen years and together with him for sixteen.

As of 5 minutes ago, (when he text me) he's alive and well.  So don't go having panic attacks reading this. lol

There Are No Words

'I says, "Pig Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck.

"We just ain't a-gonna pay no toll."

So we crashed the gate doing ninety-eight

I says "Let them truckers roll, 10-4."

I smile as my father-in-law's ring tone rings out of my cell.  "Allo?"

"Hey.  Are you home?"

I pull out the coffee pot out.  "Yep.  You coming for coffee?"

"Nope. I'll be there in a minute."

I reach for the tea kettle instead and true to his word, Ken is walking through my front door a minute later.  He looks around the living room.

"Where are the kids?"

I gesture to the back yard.

"Mimi, I'm going to Saskatoon.  Kyle's been in an accident."

I look at him blankly while this registers and I silently pray for the 'sike' I know isn't coming.  "What?"

"Kyle's been in a bad accident."

"On the highway?"  My heart drops and my chest tightens.

"No.  In the NRT yard.  I couldn't get a whole lot of details, but it sounds like he got hit by a truck."

Visions of Kyle being hit by a semi flash through my head.

There are no words to describe how I feel. Shocked, devastated, scared, overwhelmed.  These words will never accurately describe the feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I fight back the tears so I won't scare the kids and grab my cell to let my dad know the tiny bit of information I have.

"Kids, come on!" I call out the window.  "You guys are going to go play at Grandmere and Grandpere's!"

The kids whoop and holler and come running into the house.  I remember the diaper bag and Anthony's seizure medication and that's it.  As a last second thought, I call the dog to come along... I'm not sure why.

My mom and dad are waiting for us on the front lawn.  Dad pulls me into a hug.

"Are you going alone? Do you want me to come along?"

"Ken...." I start to break down and take a few deep breaths to compose myself before the kids can see.  "I'm jumping in with Ken."

By then my father-in-law has pulled up behind me.  I hand my mom the diaper bag.

"I... I think there's diapers in it.  Anthony's pills are in there."

"Where are you going, mommy?"

I contemplate telling the kids their dad got run over by a truck and I come up blank on how to do it.

My mom hugs me.  "Mommy and Papa have to do some running around."  To me she says, "We'll wait till we know more, and we'll let them know then.  Go.  We'll worry about the kids."

I try to smile then run to Ken's truck, detour to my van, let the dog out, then head back to the truck.

He fills me in on the news update he's gotten. (This is Kyle's rule, by the way.  If anything happens to him, everyone is suppose to get a hold of his dad first, who is then in charge of telling me. I think it's supposed to make the bad news seem.... less bad? I don't know.)  Knowing I'm about to lose it, I pick up my phone and call Kyle's best friend since he was, well, born; his cousin Sheldon.

"Hey, Mimi, how's it going?"

"I've been better.  I'm on my way to Saskatoon.  Kyle was in an accident.  I'm not sure exactly, but it sounds like he was working under his trailer and when he slid out from under the trailer, a truck didn't see him and ran over him."

We're both quiet for a minute.

"I'm off till tomorrow," he says.  "If you need anything..."

"I'll let you know.  Thanks.  As soon as I know more, I'll let you know."

And as we leave Prince Albert to go to Saskatoon, all I can think of is that at this moment, my husband is in an ambulance and on his way to the hospital.

A half hour into our hour and a half ride (though it didn't take that long at the speed my father-in-law was driving) and no news later, I'm getting close to breaking down once again.  Ken is either feeling the same way, or can see I need something to do.

"Do you have dispatch on your phone?" he asks. (He drives for NRT, too)

"No."

"Grab my phone and phone the bulk side."

I do as he says and am glad when Dale picks up the phone.  I love his voice.  It's deep and calm, and right now, it's just what I need.

"Hey, Dale, it's Mimi. Can you tell me what the hell happened?"

"We're not sure.  All we know for sure is that somehow the tire truck pinned him to his trailer.  We don't know why the kid driving didn't see him or the semi there, or anything like that, but we should be able to tell more once we look at the video more closely.  What I can tell you is he was conscious when the ambulance took him away."

Tears fill my eyes because that right there is great news.  One, he didn't get run over by a semi, he was pinned by a one ton. Yes, I realize that it's still not good news, but if I had to pick between a semi and a one ton to run over or hit me, I'd pick the one ton.  And two, he's conscious."

"Do you know what part of him got pinned?"

"From what he told the cops and paramedics, its sounds like from the top of his chest to his knees."

I must make a noise because he rushes on.  "But, Mimi, a few guys looked at the tape and say he was bent over when the truck rolled towards him.  He stood up a fraction of a second before it pinned him."

The realization of that statement hits me and new tears fill my eyes. Had he not stood when he had, it wouldn't have been my father-in-law bringing me the news of my husband's accident.  I take a deep breath and swallow hard a few times.

"Ok.  Thanks Dale.  I should be at the hospital in about an hour.  I'll let you know how he is when I find out."

"K.  Let him know we're all thinking about him."

I relay this information to Ken.

"Well," he says, "it's better than being run over by a semi."

We look at each other and start to laugh, because, well, it's better than crying.

We finally get to the Royal University Hospital and head to emergency where we are met by another of Kyle's cousins who lives in Saskatoon and came to be with him so he wouldn't be alone.  Billy gives me a hug.

"They won't tell me much cause I'm just his cousin, but he's getting a CT scan and x-rays done right now.  I haven't seen him yet."

"Mimi!"

I turn and get a hug from Wendy, one of the secretaries at NRT.

"They're not telling me much either," she says, "even though when they asked who I was, Kyle told them I was his wife until his real wife got here."

I can't help but laugh.  Leave it to Kyle to get pinned between two trucks and still joke around.

"What I can tell you is what I saw before they wheeled him away for his scans.  He's having trouble breathing, so maybe some broken ribs, his right leg might be broken, and his left arm, but he's concious and he's joking."

A few minutes later, we watched as he gets wheeled by on his way to the room he's staying in.  He's covered in blankets, he's wearing a neck brace, there are IV's and lines everywhere, and when the bed rolls over a small bump in the floor, I want to cry at the pain I can see he's in.  I think there he is; the man I love, who I've been with for eleven years, been married to one month shy of eight.  We've been through hell and back together, and he's lying there and there's nothing I can do for him.  I kick my praying into high gear.  Please, dear God, I can't do this without him.  You can't take him away from me.

A couple of hours later, Billy and Wendy have gone home and we've promised to phone should we need anything.  Kyle's mom and sister are also at the hospital and we are still waiting for news.  Karen, my sister-in-law, and Ken head to the NRT yard to go get his things from the truck.  Marlene and I wait and try to keep Kyle as comfortable as possible while the nurses try to keep up with the overflow of patients.

Finally, two doctors walk into the room and look at my husband in amazement.  The one holding the chart looks at me.

"You're his wife?"

I nod and he looks at his chart again.

"I'm sorry we took so long," he says, "but we were trying to find something wrong with him."

Everyone is quiet for a second and I finally find my voice.

"What?"

"Well, we did the CT scan and xrays, and there's nothing.  Well, nothing major.  But nothing like what we would usually see with this type of accident."  He takes the neck brace off of Kyle and tilts the bed up so he can see.  "You must be made of steel, Kyle."

Kyle catches his breath after the pain just sitting up has caused.  He smirks.  "Milk does the body good."

I'm still in shock, I think.

"So, here's what we found.  You have torn ligaments in your knee, a small break in your elbow, and your ribs are bruised, but not cracked."  He shakes his head.  "Not one cracked rib.  You'll be extremely sore for a while, the knee will take a long time to heal, but other than that..." He grins.

"So... he's fine?"  I'm still sure I haven't heard right.

"He's fine.  The man got pinned between two trucks and he's fine."

Now, when I prayed to God not to take my sweet away from me, I'd been willing to deal with paralyzed, missing limbs, anything, but this... this is a miracle.

"I'll go get you a brace and some crutches, and I'll be back."

"So he gets to go home?"

The doctor still looks just as shock as I feel.  "You can take him home."

"Mi, can I bug you one more time?"

I smile.  "That's what I'm here for."

"Can I get a glass of water, please?"

I take Kyle his water and kiss him softly, then go back to the kitchen and start to cry.  Tears of relief, tears of joy; tears of thanks.  My sweet is home and well.  He is in a lot of pain, he can barely move, and has to go see a surgeon about his knee on Tuesday, but he's here.

And for the millionth time today, I thank God for answering my prayers and throwing in his own miraculous twist in there for good measure.

We still aren't sure what happened exactly, but I'm sure they'll figure it out with the investigation going on. Mostly, Kyle just remembers standing and getting pinned then pushing the truck off enough to get out.  He then walked a short distance before declaring that he didn't feel good, and fell to the ground.  Right now, I can honestly say I don't care.  I'm just happy he's home. But for the sake of avoiding accidents like this again, I hope they find out what went wrong.

To all of you who prayed for us that night and kept us in your thoughts, thank you.  I will never be able to say it enough.